If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
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Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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