NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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