I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
