I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
