apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You're earring is so big in my mouth
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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