Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
