i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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