I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
