He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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