how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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