you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
