I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
