He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
