he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
