You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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