Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize