whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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