The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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