I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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