Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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