Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
