i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
