new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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