And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
