Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
