I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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