i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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