You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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