Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
