Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
