I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
