i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
