I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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