ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
