There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
