Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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