I just cut my nipple shaving
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
