I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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