Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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