just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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