Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
