I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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