The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT