last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
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He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.