Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear