He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!