i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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