I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
