ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
