I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
