Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
