Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
