Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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