i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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