In the future we'll all be gay
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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