remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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