My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
