I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
