there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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