I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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