Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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