If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
