it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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