I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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