Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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